day of the dead

yesterday was the eight year anniversary of my mom's death.

i didn't tell a soul.

does that make me a bad person?

people knew, months prior, i just didn't want to say anything that day.

so today, it has been almost 3,000 days since my mom has walked this earth.

weird to think about, huh?

what's even stranger to think about is how people used to live for hundreds of years. did you hear me? HUNDREDS OF YEARS. i mean people didn't even start having kids until they were 80 (and you have to put it all into perspective.... they probably didn't age like we do today - it was probably stretched out over those hundreds of years). which, by the way, i'm not talking about 200 years, i'm saying more like 600-800 years. you're thinking it, i'm thinking it, so here it is: holy shit.

now that is where its at. seriously. not having kids until you're 80. that gives you 80 years of hanging out and not being responsible for other peoples lives - other than your spouse - if you choose to marry.

i didn't tell anyone because i didn't want to.

last year i did my taxes.

yesterday, i worked. it felt good.

i worked on art.

i saw my dear friend everett thomas play a show (follow him and his adventure on twitter @EverettThomas).

it all felt good.

i didn't feel bad about it.

a lot of it is the fact that people don't know how to handle it. people don't know how to interact with a person who has lost someone so significant in their lives. they use words like "passed" and "lost". lets just be clear - no one who has lost someone that important wants to beat around the bush i take that back, i'm not going to speak for the rest of the world and how they deal with deaths. but i sure don't want to use fluffy words, steering clear of the factual, brutal honesty of the situation.

all this to say. i respect my mother. i love & loved her very much. i wish she could experience my life, and walk through it with me, and most importantly be someone i could rely on. i don't always think about her, i think about her most days, but not every - but i sure as hell will tell you, i wish i could just chat with her. she was an amazing woman, and i only hope that i can try to make her proud. trust me, i sure don't succeed most days. what i can say, is that if my mom can hear me, or see me, i think her and i would have a more compatible understanding of who the Lord Our God is.

isn't it kinda cool to know that the most important person in my life serves the same God i do.

i am so thankful that the Lord has given me dreams of her.

so now. time for work (with sarah - @sarahbarlow ) we're going to work hard and make beautiful art and give people a good project.

amen.

its tuesdee