Monday, May 18, 2009

great things schmate things.

i believe that i am meant for great things. 

but i feel like those great things aren't happening.  i was told years and years ago that there will be so many great and crazy things that happen to me, that i will do great things with my life. but i feel like nothing great is happening. which is perhaps the biggest bummewave around. verbally and knowledgeably you know you're worth something, but deep inside its a feeling of uselessness.  i am both blessed and cursed with an older mindset. i feel about 5 years older than i am, and if we're being honest, i act about that too. which makes it difficult for working and being in places you don't want to be.  i want to travel and create and love people, but i feel like all i'm doing right now is being stuck with a random job that doesn't make much of an impact on anyone. so how do i remedy that? knock down my pride a whole bunch. 

i don't really know where to start. i mean. i guess the logical places to start would be figuring out something that i really want to do. being able to market something. making art again. because without art there is an expanse of emptiness. which is heart wrenching. 

i hate being the bummerwave. sheesh. 

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