herbs and struggles and vegetable gardens

we have found 10 men in this city, collectively, who adamantly don't.

which is sad.

i don't for my own reasons. i think i might try it once, maybe, if my sister weren't such a huge influence in that area of life.

it doesn't make sense to me, for the most part, why so many people aren't adamant about not doing it, especially if they're in the church, actively, or even claiming. you know. good people. good men. kind, caring, genuinely good men.

it has spurred conversations that have been somewhat enlightening. perhaps airing more on the side of perspectives. different perspectives.

it makes sense. and it doesn't. all at once. which i guess is kind of how society actually is these days. illogical - making sense, and not.

one day. one day.

at the very same time, there are so many things that are lacking in my life, so many places where i am a hypocrite, where i am not what i say i am. hypocrite is the wrong word, its more like many different areas where i struggle. communication, devotion, etc etc. the lists go on. everyday life is a struggle. one day i am good and on track and the next i am seeking to be back on that very track i just jumped off of. we all have issues. i embrace that. that is real. that is real life. it's life. we struggle, work through. some are satisfied being in the struggling state, others are struggling towards something. its a journey, a process, there's an ultimate goal at the end, but when we really think of it (and someone great once spoke this into my life) that it is more about the process than it is about the end goal. constantly reviewing and renewing and working towards being a better, loving person, who is real and honest and full of integrity, that struggle [the working through] is often more important than the end goal. especially considering that we are on a time line, we need tangible, we need present realities. so in the moment, the goal is what works us through, but the process is often more important.

love love.